The Enemy of What’s Best
It is up to us. We can choose to have optimal (the best) health or just-getting-by health–the best parenting skills or just-getting-by parenting skills. Stress-free Discipline teaches optimal parenting.
Remember, what’s OK is the enemy of what’s best.
“Watching television for two to three hours or more per day is linked to significantly higher risks of developing diabetes and heart disease and dying from all causes, according to a new analysis from the Harvard School of Public Health.” (June 15, Journal of the American Medical Association.)
If it were just health, some parents would ignore the need to change TV habits. But wait! Thinking ability is also at risk here.
A New Yorker study indicates that “A reader learns about the world and imagines it differently from the way a viewer does; according to some…a reader and a viewer even think differently.” (Crain, 2007, 135)
In several cited studies, illiterates resisted giving definitions of words, grouping like objects, and making logical inferences about hypothetical situations. (Crain, 2007, 137) Moreover, “in an oral culture, cliché and stereotype are valued as accumulations of wisdom, and analysis is frowned upon…” (Crain, 138)
Detailed and consistent decline in reading and thus in thinking ability have been reported by the National Endowment for the Arts…
It is much harder to compare viewpoints and ideas between streaming media than to analyze the written word.
Juxtaposed images give the impression of cause and effect where none exists. Logical thinking and learning words become a strain. Social and communication skills suffer. Experienced teachers and social workers have noted the trend. Teamwork, highly valued in the global marketplace and in parenting, is suffering.
According to the scholars Jack Goody and Ian Watt, Crain says, (2007, 138) “it is only in a literate culture that the past’s inconsistencies have to be accounted for, a process that encourages skepticism and forces history to diverge from myth.” My experience on the Navajo Reservation corroborates all of the above.
Recall is also enhanced by reading, as opposed to merely viewing. Moreover, viewers from the age of eight to sixteen months begin loosing word power for every hour of baby DVD’s and videos they watch daily, according to Crain.
Data on more than a million students worldwide by Micha Razel “found ‘little room for doubt’ that television worsened performance in reading, science and math.” (Crain, 2007, 138)
The N.E.A. reported recently that “readers are more likely than non-readers to play sports, exercise, visit art museums, attend theatre, paint, go to music events, take photographs, and volunteer.” (Crain, 2007, 139)
If parents cannot read, their children will not be encouraged to learn more than the minimum to get by. Thus, each generation will become more ignorant.
Apply the Bingo test: is reading, good health and the ability to live a richer, fuller life worth changing your TV habits?
The Bingo Test
The Navy has a saying useful in setting priorities: Considering the end result, is what I am doing now worth giving my life for? Bingo means Yes! Let us consider the end result of one of our many activities. What is the end result of watching TV five hours a day?
Oh yes, we do need to relax from a stressful day of work, and TV will reward us with entertainments which either stimulate or sedate us…just like addictions will.
According to Dr. Archibald Hart, writing in Healing Life’s Hidden Addictions, “…two basic drives or fundamental needs can be behind all addictions: excitement seeking and tension reducing…These two drives are directly related to the two basic categories of drugs (stimulants and tranquilizers)…” (p. 57)
These psychological needs play a “significant role even in non-chemical addictions.”
Hart says that “Since the function of an addiction is to place a buffer between ourselves and our awareness of feelings, wrenching the buffer away results in increased anxiety…” Hmmm. How uncomfortable do we get when we miss our favorite program? How many of us are truly listening to our children or our body or our felt needs during those hypnotic sessions with streaming media or facebook?
Do we really need exercise after being chained to a computer all day, or a couch potatoe session? Do we need real rest or merely a change of activity?
Moms, Dads, and teachers: Stress-free Discipline of our children will relieve our stress as it happens, and it will provide rewarding, consistent consequences for our children’s right and poor choices of the day (or period). The reward is time spent with us on educational, interpersonal activities. Those activities may be a game of basketball ourtside, spell-down baseball inside, or learning good manners at a nice restaurant!
Let’s apply the Bingo test to those activities. Is what I am doing now building skills and bonding and family teamwork for the long term? Teachers, are your present choices of stress-relief really working for your body?
Hidden Agenda in Legend of the Guardians: the Owls of Ga’Hoole
What’s a symbol for? Do people merely react to symbols? Can they recognize how symbols move our feelings, motivating us to act, and then can people thoughtfully consider whether their action is right or not?
Symbols are a brain short-cut: they bypass thinking
Because the flag of the United States is a symbol of all our history, struggles and victories, we have great feeling when we see it. Groups of symbols can quietly manipulate our feelings into, for example, buying a car because it is advertised with a beautiful woman who lovingly touches it. Our subconscious mind thinks, “chick magnet!” Desire is aroused by a symbolic association, without words and without appeals to logic. Read the rest of this entry »
Course Planning in Process
San Diego, CA: Course curriculum maps and other information is available for San Diego readers receptive to a hybrid series of classes on Stress-Free Discipline. Coursework is pending at St. James and at Trinity Lutheran churches. The course launch is October 30 at Trinity Lutheran church on 7210 Lisbon Street, San Diego, 92114. If you are interested in signing up, please respond to this post or call Phillip Sammuli, at 619.262.1633!
Book Release
Stress-Free Discipline gives you tested, unique, time-saving tools for tots-to-teens discipline!
This step-by-step plan not only reduces stress, it builds life-long love, teamwork, life skills and responsibility.
- Five expectation sets are realistic, gradually building complex skills.
- Children master adult skills almost painlessly.
- They are rewarded for every right choice.
- Negatives are minimized, releasing energy for building and bonding.
- Motivational rewards are simple, fun and educational.
- Parents and children grow accountable in a bond of love.
Endorsements
William C. Reeves, Ph.D. Human Behavior writes: “Stress Free Discipline presents some great ideas that have been successfully used to help children mature. Setting up positive rewards for good behavior is presented as the best way to help children learn self discipline and appropriate behavior. Children are also presented with the reality that poor behavior results in unwanted consequences for them. Behavior is tracked by a point system that allows the child to understand the results of both good and improper actions.”
Charles Jeter, Combat Veteran, Software Engineer writes: “Stress Free Discipline has valuable strategy and rules of engagement.”
John Demas, attorney writes: “Stress Free Discipline has worked with my children. Judith has a gift.”
Gary Kirk, pastor, publisher, counselor writes: “As the father of a son with special needs, I feel your book should be required reading for everyone involved in an IEP—educators and parents alike…From many years of being a small group pastor and counselor, I consistently see the need for parents to find the kind of equipping that you have offered in your book.”
Contact Judith to purchase the book ($17.95 + shipping), or contact legacylinepublishing.com.
Making positive change: Problem Two
Does your nine-year-old leave after you tell him to stay home? It is a common event. The problem here is that parents think their leadership skills are good when in fact those skills are ineffective and obsolete. Group dynamics can help the whole family.
Group learning has a big impact.
Knowles and Bradford state that “groups can induce learning in individuals of a kind and depth that an individual teacher cannot, by himself, induce (Knowles & Bradford, 1952, 12).” To expand on that idea: group learning often has more impact than a nagging parent, lecturing or coercing a child into following rules.
The interaction between your child and your family may be more productive with group activities like role playing, buzz groups and reflection, listening teams, and personal summaries of group action. These are big challenges for your leadership.
Problem Solving in 60 Minutes
When families malfunction they may not know how to do target correction. Do not play the blame game! Use win-win techniques.
Agree on some ground rules for your quarrels.
Quality Progress (Redmond, 2007, 80) moves people closer to a solution in 60 minutes with four basic tools. Redmond’s suggestions are similar to those made by Richard Feder and John Mitchell nineteen years earlier in a ‘4-day task force’ (1988, August).
Rule 1 – Agree on time management
Both sources argue for the restriction of time as a key to efficiency. While some problems may require more urgency, sixty minutes is an arbitrary time in which Redmond demonstrates problem solving.
Please do not vent for hours without allowing some kind of decision to be made. Repeating your beef over and over just makes your family more “hard of hearing” each time you speak.
It is hard to respect someone who chooses not to be rational. Vent to an older friend who can talk with you like your grandmother might. They’ve been down that road and have seen what works or does not work.
The following are simple, but not easy ground rules for problem solving.
Inattentional Blindness: Personal Jihad
Technorati Tags: Jihad,inattentional blindness,Personal terrorism,child discipline,Walid Shoebat
Moderate Muslims, we are told, consider jihad a personal struggle for spiritual purity.
Americans ignore the facts that over 100 references in the Koran refer to jihad as genocidal slaughter of unbelievers with only one quote referring to an internal struggle[1]. (Source: www.shoebat.com)
Muslim violence (jihad) supersedes peaceful contemplation in every country now ruled by Islam. Americans are too distracted, too comfortable, to pay attention while Islam gains a strategic foothold.
The American approach to Islam is a perfect example of inattentional blindness.[2]
Arien Mack and Irvin Rock, psychologists, first showed that people who were paying attention to something else in their line of sight were “blind” to something that was right before their eyes.
Mellowing out Mad Max (Maxine) #2
Technorati Tags: hatred,aggression,revenge,criticism,defensiveness,boredom
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I really could not understand Max’s hatred. He hated Reading, Blacks, Native Americans, Jews, and Catholics and a long list of other things. He had poor skills and no patience. He was only fifteen.
He actually had no interests but hate. None. As a public school teacher, I knew it was a mistake to ignore, reject or force forgiveness on Max. I chose to accept him as he was. He had no friends, after all. Other students ignored him.
This is beyond negative. Perhaps your child has shown aggressive, anti-rule behavior.
Her revenge, grudges and criticism have given her power over others.
She seems unapproachable. While she has some sympathetic followers, she creates constant tension. She is unsuccessful and defensive in ways that hinder growth. Your son may do all of the above in a defensive, loner way.
Perhaps you worry about your child’s continuous and total lack of interest in activities. Your child cannot work well with others, and your usual discipline techniques are not effective.
You are angry, on edge and on guard, but must act in love if you want results.
Professional counseling is part of your plan. Stress Free Discipline is another part. Used consistently, Stress Free Discipline provides the acceptance, pain relief, trust and status these youth need.
Hate is distilled pain. A small hurt can become a wildfire of hate.
Never ignore it, react personally, judge or trivialize your child’s problem. Never discuss him with other children or think you know how he or she feels. Consider how God treats our bad temper, greed, power grabs, and pride.
Counseling is unavoidable. Choose wisely. What you have been doing until now needs an upgrade. It has not been working.
A good counselor will take one or two hours to test all family members for anger management styles, personality differences, communication styles and problem solving techniques.
With those tools you and your family can work through the tough times. Stop your entertainments and time wasters and focus on healing work.
Memorize the tools. Learn to use them. Get help when times are tough. Sacrifice time and effort for teamwork and lifelong love relationships. You do not have forever. Every day that passes makes healing more difficult.
Teaching Money Management / Crime Prevention
Technorati Tags: jail,ministry,rules,consequences,money management,boundaries.
When my sons were pre-teens we had a small jail visitation ministry and they saw first-hand the consequences of writing a lot of bad checks. This experience was very motivational for them, and part of training in conscientiousness (a key element in long life according to research by the U. of California at Riverside, U.C. Berkeley Wellness Letter, Feb. 2004, ).
Consider involving children early in the process of helping you write checks and balance the checkbook. A second grader can help you add and subtract. Grocery shopping is a time you can give cash for your child to pick his or her favorite fruit and vegetables. As soon as computer skills become important to your child, have them watch you with QuickBooks, then watch them as they help you enter expenses, sorting out tax items as you go.
A three or four year-old can learn how you choose what you buy at the market. Soft fruit, green fruit–teaching the gentle squeeze helps with defining what is O.K. for pet handling as well as fruit choices. Unit pricing on the shelf tags can be a learning experience for older children. As soon as children can understand what money is, they can use a dollar to find a toy at the 99-cent store.