All back talk has the same goal, whether it is confrontational or not. The goal is parent—or teacher—control: gaining power and attention.

Backtalk is any noncompliant behavior

Which of the following statements applies to inmates in correctional institutions (jails)?

1. …tries to “butter you up in order to get favors.”

2. …may fake illness to get what they want.

3. …tries to change the subject to avoid consequences.

4. …flatters, acts friendly, inflates your ego to make you emotionally dependent on his or her approval.

5. …does favors for you in order to manipulate you into breaking or changing rules.

6. …asks to be excused just this one time; won’t do it again.

7. …tries to get different people to say “yes” when the answer is always “no” in order to follow rules.

8. …tries to fast talk–guide–you  into ignoring rules.

9. …will take advantage of your depression, carelessness or other weakness.

10. ..tries to get you on an equal basis rather than allow you to be the boss.

11. ..hates being told what to do.

Yes, all of the above are “games inmates play” to get you to lose focus, give them your authority, and take control without responsibility for consequences.

Is it a coincidence that these behaviors start in childhood? Are you rewarding your child’s wrong choices by falling for this stuff?

Discipline is consistent consequences.

If a child gets away without consequences, we are rewarding bad behavior. We only help him or her to perfect his manipulative skills such as those above, drama and lying.

The above behaviors were all taken from The Art of the Con: Avoiding Offender Manipulation, by Gary Cornelius, published by The American Correctional Association, Alexandria, Virginia.

Stress-free Discipline gives a step-by-step plan to relieve stress on you and your child while keeping gentle pressure on the child to make right choices.

Remember, what’s OK is the enemy of what’s best.

“Watching television for two to three hours or more per day is linked to significantly higher risks of developing diabetes and heart disease and dying from all causes, according to a new analysis from the Harvard School of Public Health.” (June 15, Journal of the American Medical Association.)

If it were just health, some parents would ignore the need to change TV habits.  But wait! Thinking ability is also at risk here.

A New Yorker study indicates that “A reader learns about the world and imagines it differently from the way a viewer does; according to some…a reader and a viewer even think differently.” (Crain, 2007, 135)

 In several cited studies, illiterates resisted giving definitions of words, grouping like objects, and making logical inferences about hypothetical situations. (Crain, 2007, 137) Moreover, “in an oral culture, cliché and stereotype are valued as accumulations of wisdom, and analysis is frowned upon…” (Crain, 138) 

Detailed and consistent decline in reading and thus in thinking ability have been reported by the National Endowment for the Arts…

It is much harder to compare viewpoints and ideas between streaming media than to analyze the written word.

Juxtaposed images give the impression of cause and effect where none exists. Logical thinking and learning words become a strain.  Social and communication skills suffer.  Experienced teachers and social workers have noted the trend.  Teamwork, highly valued in the global marketplace and in parenting, is suffering.

According to the scholars Jack Goody and Ian Watt, Crain says, (2007, 138) “it is only in a literate culture that the past’s inconsistencies have to be accounted for, a process that encourages skepticism and forces history to diverge from myth.”  My experience on the Navajo Reservation corroborates all of the above.

Recall is also enhanced by reading, as opposed to merely viewing. Moreover, viewers from the age of eight to sixteen months begin loosing word power for every hour of baby DVD’s and videos they watch daily, according to Crain.

Data on more than a million students worldwide by Micha Razel “found ‘little room for doubt’ that television worsened performance in reading, science and math.” (Crain, 2007, 138)

The N.E.A. reported recently that “readers are more likely than non-readers to play sports, exercise, visit art museums, attend theatre, paint, go to music events, take photographs, and volunteer.” (Crain, 2007, 139)  

If parents cannot read, their children will not be encouraged to learn more than the minimum to get by.  Thus, each generation will become more ignorant.

Apply the Bingo test:  is reading, good health and the ability to live a richer, fuller life worth changing your TV habits? 

Oh yes, we do need to relax from a stressful day of work, and TV will reward us with entertainments which either stimulate or sedate us…just like addictions will. 

According to Dr. Archibald Hart, writing in Healing Life’s Hidden Addictions, “…two basic drives or fundamental needs can be behind all addictions:  excitement seeking and tension reducing…These two drives are directly related to the two basic categories of drugs (stimulants and tranquilizers)…” (p. 57)

 These psychological needs play a “significant role even in non-chemical addictions.”

Hart says that “Since the function of an addiction is to place a buffer between ourselves and our awareness of feelings, wrenching the buffer away results in increased anxiety…”  Hmmm.  How uncomfortable do we get  when we miss our favorite program?  How many of us are truly listening to our children or our body or our felt needs during those hypnotic sessions with streaming media or facebook? 

Do we really need exercise after being chained to a computer all day, or a couch potatoe session?  Do we need real rest or merely a change of activity?

Moms, Dads, and teachers:  Stress-free Discipline of our children will relieve our stress as it happens, and it will provide rewarding, consistent consequences for our children’s right and poor choices of the day (or period).  The reward is time spent with us on educational, interpersonal activities.  Those activities may be a game of basketball ourtside, spell-down baseball inside, or learning good manners at a nice restaurant!

Let’s apply the Bingo test to those activities.  Is what I am doing now building skills and bonding and family teamwork for the long term?  Teachers, are your present choices of stress-relief really working for your body?

Personal financial hardship is only one cost of  divorce. 

According to CitizenLink.org, a study done by the Institute for American Values has found that the breakdown of families costs U.S. taxpayers at least $112 billion yearly.  The national, state and local costs–which add up to more than $1 trillion over the last decade–are caused, in part, by high poverty rates of single, female-headed households, which lead to higher spending on welfare, criminal justice and education programs.” (Williams, 2008, 1) 

What could the government do with a trillion dollars to create jobs and a better quality of life?  What could parents do with a little more in their bank account and lower taxes for preventable problems?  This is not rocket science.  It has to do with self-control and intelligent work toward family health.

The human cost of family breakup cannot be calculated.  While the average mother looses quality of life as she enters the ranks of the poor, there are many hidden costs.  If she got a divorce wanting control and freedom, her impulse control problems have bad consequences.  She is so overwhelmed with an additional work load–an impossible blend of the need to provide adequate income and good parenting–that she is unable to discipline her children or teach them essential skills. 

Happiness research by Dr. Ed. Diener of the University of Illinois indicates that we are most happy when our ability and the task at hand are closely matched.(see www.psych.uluc.edu/~ediener/research/research.html).  Poor parents can only be miserable, single parents are all stressed, and both children and parents suffer the kind of pressures which lead to poor health, depression, dysfunction, violence and full-blown mental illness.

Self control issues–impulse control problems–pass from parent to child, and “may predict health problems, less financial stability and a criminal record by adulthood…a survey of more than 1,000 children who were studied from birth to age 32, found that kids who scored lowest on measures of self-control…were roughly three times as likely by adulthood to report to having multiple health problems and addictions, earning less than $20,000 a year, becoming a single parent or committing a crime than kids with the most self-control.  

The good news is that self-control can be learned. (TIME, February 7, 2011)

What parents want to curse their child to an unhappy, unhealthy and dysfunctional life?  Yet, according to Stanley Bippus, Superintendent of Central Consolidated School District, Farmington, NM, “The primary cause of most behavior and student achievement problems in the public school system is irresponsible and/or incompetent parents…No child is more handicapped that one whose parents don’t understand and accept the responsibilities of parenthood.  Poor parents destroy the lives of more children in this country than drugs, alcohol and gangs combined.”  (published in the Farmington Daily Times, 9/4/1994)

Parenting is the hardest job we will ever do, in my opinion.  The consequences of poor parenting have the largest negative consequences of anything we are likely to do.  Every fallen culture throughout history has preceded their fall with family decline.  David Blankenhorn, president of the Institute for American Values, said that “reducing family fragmentation rates by just one percent would save taxpayers $1.1 billion.”  Our impulse-control issues can break this country or build it.  The same applies to our families.

My book, Stress-free Discipline, teaches how to cope with impulse-control issues in both parents and children.

Spiritual warfare is working against the passive “now I’m saved, I don’t have to do anything” attitude.

Hardships end up in one of two possibilities:  either we choose to submit ourselves to God’s vision for our lives, passing through the trials with His help, or we choose to cave in to temptation, which leads us away from God.  The same loop of events—OODA—is repeated each time we face hardships. 

Hardships are either trials or temptations, depending upon our choice to walk with Christ or to depend on our own flawed understanding.  First, we have to see the truth of our situation through God’s eyes or our own eyes, through humble dependence on God or prideful rebellion (Mt. 5:3-4).  When we are sad because of our sin, we receive the blessing of comfort in forgiveness.  We will then have observed truly or we will have fallen for satanic lies. 

Secondly, we orient ourselves toward God or turn our backs on Him by how we approach hardship, verses 5 and 6.

We are blessed with inheriting the earth and with satisfaction.

Third, we decide to take action depending on our flawed selves or on God.  As we rely on God’s mercy (vs. 7) and remain pure in heart (vs. 8), we receive blessings. When we humbly depend on God we are blessed with receiving mercy and with insights into our Creator.  If we depend on our faulty selves, the outcome is never long-term joy.    

Fourth, we act.  When we face hardship by making peace with those who are worthy (Mt. 10:13), we are blessed as children of the Prince of Peace.  Matthew 5: 9-11 shows us consequences of our choices to act. 

Some of those consequences are difficult to accept.  We may be persecuted for righteousness’ sake, but be blessed with the kingdom of heaven.  At the time we are feeling cursed with hardship, praying to get out of suffering, God is blessing us with greater unity with Him and with a greater reward in heaven.  When we are the objects of ridicule, curses, persecution and false rumors, we are only following the footsteps of prophets before us. 

God’s word promises joy in the midst of sorrow.  God does not give us the short-lived, bubble of temporary happiness, a joy which depends on the event at hand.  We have the hope of heavenly peace and joy and power, here and hereafter.  Events—consequences of living live God’s way—may please us or test us and have us begging God for relief. 

However, heavenly joy is a divine blessing which cannot compare with earthly moods. Let us aim high and enjoy a divine high in the midst of earthly hardship.      

Symbols are a brain short-cut: they bypass thinking

Because the flag of the United States is a symbol of all our history, struggles and victories, we have great feeling when we see it.  Groups of symbols can quietly manipulate our feelings into, for example, buying a car because it is advertised with a beautiful woman who lovingly touches it.  Our subconscious mind thinks, “chick magnet!”  Desire is aroused by a symbolic association, without words and without appeals to logic.

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole is a clear symbolic affront to Christianity. The “Pure Ones” are the enemy which steals and hypnotizes Guardian babies into a workforce of robots, taking away their gizzards (no guts to resist).  One of the Guardians which goes to fight for the Pure Ones dies in flames in a hellishly graphic end.  The final message of the movie, in case anyone misses it, includes instructions to destroy evil, which I gather means the “Pure Ones’ who steal babies and hypnotize them into slaves.
Unbelievers see Christianity as a rigid, destructive, irrational set of rules which can only subvert a person’s “self” and destroy their ability to act or think on their own.

Relevant background: Follow the money

The movie is done by the producer of Happy Feet, which is another artistic, highly symbolic brainwashing project appealing to the right brain—just feelings—part of viewers. Happy Feet had the cliched “religious” leader portrayed similarly: damaging, rigid and dysfunctional. The Happy Feet religious leader of the penguin colony required everyone to sing alike, think alike, etc. The religious advisor of the penguins was discovered through the plot to be a total fraud, even though lines of suppliants stretched into the distance to see him.

Symbols bypass the logical part of our minds and gain direct access to our feelings.

In the future, you can bet that repetitive symbolic conditioning (just short of hypnosis) will be called upon to bear bitter fruit in anti-Christian bias and severe harassment activities. The graphic artistry of this movie is unparalleled, reminding me that Satan is beautiful and lyrical to the max. As far as similarities between the two movies, one reviewer sums it up in the compared levels of violence:

It may be from the folks behind Happy Feet, but Legend of the Guardians is a heck of a lot closer to 300 than it is to a cute little animal movie.

Are people really unaware of the dynamics of how their minds work?

Our minds have the right brain (feelings) part and the left brain (logical, thinking) part. When we allow feelings to control thinking, we have allowed an irrational roller-coaster of dysfunctional behavior into our lives.

In  my opinion these are two movies targeted at a children / young adult viewing audience which both have strong viewpoints of an anti-religious nature.

Please remember, parents, that invisible realm of feelings doesn’t need to jerk us and our family around!  Educate yourselves and your children about the power of symbols.

Consider my legacy from my biggest career challenge: teaching delinquents at an alternative high school on the Navajo Reservation. I prayed for weeks and got very frustrated before I was offered that job.  Than I didn’t know if I should accept it. 

I wanted a job where I could express my faith and lead students in meaningful ways.  Should I say “yes?” 

 After three days of especially intensive prayer by my pastor and friends, I dreamed an odd name.: Zerubbabel.

I woke up enough to think it strange, and quickly went back to sleep. Again the name. Back to sleep again. In the morning it came back to me again, and I thought, “Hmm. Might be a demon or something in the Bible.”

When I looked it up, I found Zerubbabel was an ancestor of Jesus who led exiles back to Jerusalem from Babylon. After listening to prophets Haggai and Zechariah, he began construction of the temple. There were major frustrations and obstacles. Yet he was encouraged to be strong (Haggai 2:4, 21ff) and work and not to despise small things (Zechariah 4:10). This new, small temple was disappointing to the old timers who saw Solomon’s temple before it was destroyed, but small progress is still progress! 

How often we forget that important fact: small things may have big results!  We overlook small steps in the right direction, often failing to reward our children for doing small things right!  What kind of legacy is that? 

Who Will Build on Your Foundation?  Will it be a Godly building–a strong, dynamic life?

Zechariah 4:6 has instructions for Zerubbabel:

“Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, says the LORD of hosts.”

I gathered from my reading that Zerubbabel would make small beginnings, but God would complete the work in the future, perhaps when Christ would rule the world. I was encouraged enough to take the job on the Navajo reservation.  I knew I could do “small beginnings”—just my speed.  I do my best; God does the rest.  I accepted a little job in an unknown part of the country. 

Nothing immense or intense caused sparks to fly in my life.  I teamed up with a missionary who knew Navajo to do Bible Studies at lunch in my classroom.  A  Navajo Baptist pastor led several to Christ. Our small team was on the way toward a legacy that would last by God’s grace.  Altogether, twelve students invited Jesus into their lives.  That result was not my doing; I just introduced them to Jesus and Christ did the rest.

After three years on the reservation, Native Preference in hiring replaced me with a Native American.

Looking for meaning in what I had accomplished, I realized that politics and immense frustrations were part of the big picture that only God knew in advance. Like Zerubbabel I just laid the foundation: others would build.

What kind of a foundation are you laying in the lives of your children?

Is their youth just for fun and fulfillment of selfish desires? Are you building discernment and critical thinking skills into that foundation? What are your long term goals for discipline?

I hope your aim is not just for unquestioning obedience.  Here’s why.

Rachael D. Ramer, Christian Research Journal, writes that

“…demanding unquestioning obedience from children goes beyond what (Jesus) instructed…Authoritarianism goes beyond healthy, positive discipline and demands absolute submission.”[1]

I agree with Ms. Ramer that “many children who receive this type of “training” grow up to fear their parents and any adult figure.” I believe such “training” teaches a child to submit to wrongful dominance as adults.

No surprise: it is hard to “retrain” an intimidated person.

Ask yourself: what kind of foundation am I creating as I raise my child? Excessive punishment without rewarding right choices intimidates a child.  An intimidated child grows into an adult who probably will not stand up to aggressive, wrongful behavior.  You do not intend to produce a coward, but… 

I have raw data and a report done by a licensed private detective on Bible-based, authoritarian cults. Those cults prey on Christian children successfully because the family love bonds are weak. The family love bonds are weak because they are subverted by too much emphasis on unquestioning obedience to authority.  Automatic–unquestioning–obedience is dangerous!

Fact: rules without relationship cause rebellion.

My book, Stress Free Discipline, has an unusual component which retains parental authority but invites in-depth thinking in children.  The stress-free process is simple:  step-by-step, day by day, valuable concepts are learned and practiced.  Right choices are rewarded with quality time playing educational games with parents.

Are you creating a soft, feel-good foundation which will collapse later in your child’s life?  Or are you training your child to think analytically–building a strong foundation?

Three things to remember:

1. The over-riding goal of my work is to unite families into Berean teams: people who search everything in light of the scriptures.  Consider buying my book: Stress-free Discipline.
2. Children can learn critical thinking by dwelling on the Bible and what it means in our lives.
3. Build a solid foundation while you have the chance.

[1] Rachael D. Ramer, Christian Research Journal, Volume 26, Number 1, pp. 33-41.

Is your child really the most important person after God and your spouse? How do your priorities line up? If streaming and social media consume four or more hours of your time each day, how are your children going to learn effective life skills?

Effective life skills are those things everyone has to do–to be an effective adult–or pay someone else to do them. The teaching job required for this list of chores takes time and plenty of work.  It is ongoing, frustrating, lasts a lifetime and is worth every minute of your self-sacrifice.

If your child can do those adult chores fast and well, he or she will be happy, according to “happiness research.” How many of the following adult chores are you planning to teach your child…or how many of them have you mastered? Here’s a list of adult responsibilities which—if you are skillful—will make you a happy adult.  Unplug from the TV and plug into life.

Parent’s Duty and Skill List (Frame this and hang it in plain sight.  Review it often with your child when you assign chores to yourself and children.)

Yard and Home Repairs:

Manage workers or repair and maintain yard and home yourself. Paint, build, plan, budget for and buy materials for projects such as roofing, bookshelves, storage areas.

Bookkeeping:

pay bills, keep records of spending, balance bank statements, track credit spending and loan repayments. Plan and carry out insurance and financial strategy.

Secretarial:

do time planning and errands, phone calls, correspondence, special occasion gifts and cards, schedule appoints, games, classes, and special events. Chauffeur people to these events.

Files:

set up and maintain files on all aspects of the household, including financial, warranty, and physical plant information. Keep records on repairs done and specifics of new equipment installed.

Protection:

Research, provide for, and maintain the following: inventory of possessions, furniture and valuable paintings. Create and maintain safety rules, fire escape drills, tracking of children away from home, etc.

Food Services:

plan menus, purchase food, prepare meals, serve them and clean up after them. Take into account: nutritional balance, personal preferences, special dietary needs, variety of texture, color and type of food, degree of “cooking,” freshness and freedom from unnecessary additives. Food storage rotation and freezer “quickies” for Sunday use must be planned and maintained. Ambiance, service, food preparation and purchase for parties are additional.

Purchasing:

Buy toiletries, paper products, small appliances, gifts, clothing, etc. on budget. Wrap and mail gifts as needed.

Laundry:

Wash, fold, and iron clothing, bedding and towels, schedule and record items sent out for dry cleaning and laundry, get items from cleaners.

Fabric maintenance:

Mend and perform tailoring on clothing, backpacks, and other fabrics.

Physical plant maintenance:

General Handyman tasks, basic plumbing, wiring, carpentry, and other household upkeep.

Daily cleaning:

General pick-up, make beds; straighten, fold, and put away items, organize magazines, books and newspapers, freshen bathrooms, straighten towels and clean bathroom sink.

Trash Disposal:

Empty kitchen, bedroom, bathroom and office trash as needed, recycle coat hangers, plastics, glass and newspapers, prepare trash for weekly pickup.

Weekly cleaning:

Change bed and bath linens weekly, clean shower area, hot tub and shower as needed, wash floors, vacuum and dust.

Periodic Maintenance:

Clean windows including skylights and screens at least twice yearly, clean carpets and upholstery, oil furniture with four coats oil inside and out 2-3 times per year. Remove books from shelves and vacuum books and shelves. Clean gutters and attic or basement areas.

Houseplant maintenance:

Purchase, re-pot, water, trim and feed houseplants.

Gardening:

Water as needed, use weed killer and spray for insects and diseases. Wash or hose off porches and outdoor furniture.

Small Appliance and computer Repairs:

Schedule and carry out computer virus protection, vacuum and other routine cleaning and repair to prevent problems before they happen. Record repairs done and by whom.

Organization:

clean out and organize closets, cupboards, drawers and basement and furnace room. Discard out-of-date items, such as spices over six months old or outdated medications.

Automobile repair and maintenance:

track oil changes, radiator and belts and regular tune up needs, gas and wash car as needed.

Pet care:

daily brushing, walking, vacation planning and vet visits, shots, licensing and shampoos.

Child care:

1. Raise children in the discipline and nurture of the Lord,
2. Supervise and instruct them on reasonable chores, safety, expectations and family goals
3. Teach manners, citizenship, respect for authority and education,
4. Attend school and church events, track homework and project due dates, help with schoolwork, provide quality control of schoolwork and handwriting,
5. Teach and monitor spelling, History, Math, English, Science, etc.
6. Teach and practice problem solving skills, negotiation skills, conflict resolution, communication skills, hobbies and anger management skills.
7. Teach and practice adult skills such as budgeting, spend/save/tithe principles, making decisions, analysis, creativity, synthesis, time management, priority and goal setting, application of right principles, proactivity rather than crisis management, follow-through on duties, life-long learning habits and interdependence.

Does your youth have these adult skills mastered so they can be done fast and well? If not, he or she remains in a submissive, student’s role until time to establish his/her own household.

This step-by-step plan not only reduces stress, it builds life-long love, teamwork, life skills and responsibility.

• Five expectation sets are realistic, gradually building complex skills.
• Children master adult skills almost painlessly.
• They are rewarded for every right choice.
• Negatives are minimized, releasing energy for building and bonding.
• Motivational rewards are simple, fun and educational.
• Parents and children grow accountable in a bond of love.

Endorsements

William C. Reeves, Ph.D. Human Behavior writes: “Stress Free Discipline presents some great ideas that have been successfully used to help children mature.  Setting up positive rewards for good behavior is presented as the best way to help children learn self discipline and appropriate behavior.  Children are also presented with the reality that poor behavior results in unwanted consequences for them.  Behavior is tracked by a point system that allows the child to understand the results of both good and improper actions.”

Charles Jeter, Combat Veteran, Software Engineer writes:  “Stress Free Discipline has valuable strategy and rules of engagement.”

John Demas, attorney writes:  “Stress Free Discipline has worked with my children.  Judith has a gift.”

Gary Kirk, pastor, publisher, counselor writes: “As the father of a son with special needs, I feel your book should be required reading for everyone involved in an IEP—educators and parents alike…From many years of being a small group pastor and counselor, I consistently see the need for parents to find the kind of equipping that you have offered in your book.”

Contact Judith to purchase the book ($17.95 + shipping), or contact legacylinepublishing.com.

When families malfunction they may not know how to do target correction.  Do not play the blame game!  Use win-win techniques.

Agree on some ground rules for your quarrels. 

Quality Progress (Redmond, 2007, 80) moves people closer to a solution in 60 minutes with four basic tools. Redmond’s suggestions are similar to those made by Richard Feder and John Mitchell nineteen years earlier in a ‘4-day task force’ (1988, August).

Rule 1 – Agree on time management

Both sources argue for the restriction of time as a key to efficiency.  While some problems may require more urgency, sixty minutes is an arbitrary time in which Redmond demonstrates problem solving.

Please do not vent for hours without allowing some kind of decision to be made.  Repeating your beef over and over just makes your family more “hard of hearing” each time you speak. 

It is hard to respect someone who chooses not to be rational.  Vent to an older friend who can talk with you like your grandmother might.  They’ve been down that road and have seen what works or does not work.

The following are simple, but not easy ground rules for problem solving.

Rule 2 – Agree and define the problem

Redmond and Feder and Mitchell all advise businesses to start with agreement on and definition of the problem.  That idea works for families also. 

Both sources presuppose data collection. 

Rule 3 – What are the facts? 

What are the trends or habits which need to be corrected or changed in order to solve the problem?

Rule 4 – Brainstorm solutions

Redmond suggests working out a consensus on the most prevalent root causes of the problem with brainstorming of potential solutions. Felder and Mitchell have the group focus on creating a list of solutions, brainstorming and gaining insights into attitudes enough to form a “hunch list”.

Both methods then choose the best ideas, probing participants “for relevance, importance and uniqueness.”(Feder & Mitchell, 1988, 21). Redmond presents an effort/benefit matrix.

Brainstorming rules are few:

• First, respect each person’s opinion, no matter how much you disagree or how crazy it sounds.
• Secondly, find agreement on rules for eliminating those ideas which are unrealistic or outside your family values.

On volatile family hot buttons, I suggest you do this process with a third person.  Perhaps a pastor, experienced friend or counselor.

Rule 5 – Decide and Act on the solution(s)

Work is assigned to specific individuals and deadlines set. Follow up makes sure tasks get done. If an intervention is called for, do it.

These methods have been working for business teams for decades. Any team will benefit from choosing this method before problems arise, then using it after conflict arises.  You do want family teamwork, don’t you?  Slavery and selfishness do not work in the long run. 

References

Feder, R., & Mitchell, J. (1988, August). ’4-day task force’ more efficient than traditional problem-solving. Marketing News, 22(18), 21.

Redmond, M. (2007, February). 60 Minutes to a Solution. Quality Progress, 40(2), 80.