Spiritual warfare is working against the passive “now I’m saved, I don’t have to do anything” attitude.

Hardships end up in one of two possibilities:  either we choose to submit ourselves to God’s vision for our lives, passing through the trials with His help, or we choose to cave in to temptation, which leads us away from God.  The same loop of events—OODA—is repeated each time we face hardships. 

Hardships are either trials or temptations, depending upon our choice to walk with Christ or to depend on our own flawed understanding.  First, we have to see the truth of our situation through God’s eyes or our own eyes, through humble dependence on God or prideful rebellion (Mt. 5:3-4).  When we are sad because of our sin, we receive the blessing of comfort in forgiveness.  We will then have observed truly or we will have fallen for satanic lies. 

Secondly, we orient ourselves toward God or turn our backs on Him by how we approach hardship, verses 5 and 6.

We are blessed with inheriting the earth and with satisfaction.

Third, we decide to take action depending on our flawed selves or on God.  As we rely on God’s mercy (vs. 7) and remain pure in heart (vs. 8), we receive blessings. When we humbly depend on God we are blessed with receiving mercy and with insights into our Creator.  If we depend on our faulty selves, the outcome is never long-term joy.    

Fourth, we act.  When we face hardship by making peace with those who are worthy (Mt. 10:13), we are blessed as children of the Prince of Peace.  Matthew 5: 9-11 shows us consequences of our choices to act. 

Some of those consequences are difficult to accept.  We may be persecuted for righteousness’ sake, but be blessed with the kingdom of heaven.  At the time we are feeling cursed with hardship, praying to get out of suffering, God is blessing us with greater unity with Him and with a greater reward in heaven.  When we are the objects of ridicule, curses, persecution and false rumors, we are only following the footsteps of prophets before us. 

God’s word promises joy in the midst of sorrow.  God does not give us the short-lived, bubble of temporary happiness, a joy which depends on the event at hand.  We have the hope of heavenly peace and joy and power, here and hereafter.  Events—consequences of living live God’s way—may please us or test us and have us begging God for relief. 

However, heavenly joy is a divine blessing which cannot compare with earthly moods. Let us aim high and enjoy a divine high in the midst of earthly hardship.      

God’s Spiritual Warfare and the Top Gun winning strategy against migs in Korea have much in common.  The Biblical strategy in Mathew 5: 3-10, known as the Beatitudes, is a real winner whether we apply it in warfare, business, education or family problem-solving.  If we use it within God’s will, God’s power guarantees a win.

It’s no surprise that the OODA loop—Observe, Orient, Decide and Act—was first formulated in the Beatitudes. Just how does this winning wartime strategy work?

Step one: O stands for Observe.  By God’s grace we can be sensitive to His leading and responsive to His knowledge.  How do we do that?  Second Timothy 2-7 suggests that we learn, teach others, avoid being entangled in civilian pursuits, keep focus on pleasing God, compete according to the rules of the game (sin will hinder our prayers and sidetrack us), and work hard like a farmer, planting, nurturing, then harvesting.  Our ability to observe depends upon rooting out sin, keeping focus, work and learning from God’s word.

Consider how important it is in a race to be aware of all the action in front and around us. In wartime, both artificial and human intelligence are essential for adequate observation.  People die for lack of knowledge, both in warfare and spiritually.  Thus, a race car driver, a war college, and an active (not passive) Christian all seek out information about the action around them, and it can be tricky to sort out truth from error. 

What do we need to know and be in order to discern truth in this corrupt world?  I suggest we need to know and be more skillful and alert in the world of the mind and spirit than in the concrete world.  We need to know Christ as the only way to Heaven.  We need to be constantly learning from God’s word, the Bible.  We need to be alert and receptive, through prayer and meditation, withdrawing ourselves from distractions as soldiers don’t become entangled in civilian affairs. Note that the Seven Deadly Sins (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins) are all sins of the mind.  Wikipedia states that the Seven Deadly Sins are a classification of objectionable vices that has been used since early Christian times to educate and instruct followers concerning fallen humanity’s tendency to sin. The currently recognized version of the list is usually given as wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony).  Those sins cloud our vision and ability to observe clear truths in front of us.

Truth, then, is essential in order to take the second step of this strategy: Orient.  Continued in part 2 of this post, coming soon..

Symbols are a brain short-cut: they bypass thinking

Because the flag of the United States is a symbol of all our history, struggles and victories, we have great feeling when we see it.  Groups of symbols can quietly manipulate our feelings into, for example, buying a car because it is advertised with a beautiful woman who lovingly touches it.  Our subconscious mind thinks, “chick magnet!”  Desire is aroused by a symbolic association, without words and without appeals to logic.

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole is a clear symbolic affront to Christianity. The “Pure Ones” are the enemy which steals and hypnotizes Guardian babies into a workforce of robots, taking away their gizzards (no guts to resist).  One of the Guardians which goes to fight for the Pure Ones dies in flames in a hellishly graphic end.  The final message of the movie, in case anyone misses it, includes instructions to destroy evil, which I gather means the “Pure Ones’ who steal babies and hypnotize them into slaves.
Unbelievers see Christianity as a rigid, destructive, irrational set of rules which can only subvert a person’s “self” and destroy their ability to act or think on their own.

Relevant background: Follow the money

The movie is done by the producer of Happy Feet, which is another artistic, highly symbolic brainwashing project appealing to the right brain—just feelings—part of viewers. Happy Feet had the cliched “religious” leader portrayed similarly: damaging, rigid and dysfunctional. The Happy Feet religious leader of the penguin colony required everyone to sing alike, think alike, etc. The religious advisor of the penguins was discovered through the plot to be a total fraud, even though lines of suppliants stretched into the distance to see him.

Symbols bypass the logical part of our minds and gain direct access to our feelings.

In the future, you can bet that repetitive symbolic conditioning (just short of hypnosis) will be called upon to bear bitter fruit in anti-Christian bias and severe harassment activities. The graphic artistry of this movie is unparalleled, reminding me that Satan is beautiful and lyrical to the max. As far as similarities between the two movies, one reviewer sums it up in the compared levels of violence:

It may be from the folks behind Happy Feet, but Legend of the Guardians is a heck of a lot closer to 300 than it is to a cute little animal movie.

Are people really unaware of the dynamics of how their minds work?

Our minds have the right brain (feelings) part and the left brain (logical, thinking) part. When we allow feelings to control thinking, we have allowed an irrational roller-coaster of dysfunctional behavior into our lives.

In  my opinion these are two movies targeted at a children / young adult viewing audience which both have strong viewpoints of an anti-religious nature.

Please remember, parents, that invisible realm of feelings doesn’t need to jerk us and our family around!  Educate yourselves and your children about the power of symbols.

Technorati Tags:fact,opinion,T.V.,truth,Bill O’Reilly,Dr. Archibald Hart,depression,mental health,emotional health.conflict,thinking skills.

When I was six years old I came home to report a fight at school. “I said there IS a Santa Claus because my Mommy told me and my Mommy doesn’t lie!”  If passionate intensity is the measure of truth, I had the truth and knew it.

Child discipline includes discernment training:  what is truth?

Unfortunately truth is not that easy to find.

For example, the GRAS (Generally Recognized as Safe) list put out by the government contains aspartame, but 10% of aspartame is methanol, a poison which causes vision problems, interferes with DNA replication, and causes birth defects. Due to the lack of key enzymes, humans are many times more sensitive to the toxic effects of methanol than animals, upon which aspartame was tested for safety. Here’s another example: mercury in your fillings is safe, according to the government,   but when it is taken out of your mouth it is toxic waste. Truth is hard to find.

Let’s define “Functional Truth” as whatever works whether it conforms to a standard of truth or not.

Our culture prompts us to ask, “Will it work,” not, “Is it true?”

Functional truth, in that light, would be any belief expressed with passionate intensity. Nazi Propaganda Chief Dr. Joseph Goebbels asserted, “It is not propaganda’s task to be intelligent, its task is to lead to success.” Passions mislead people but they do lead anyone weak on thinking skills.

In the Bill O’Reilly Factor for Kids[1], Bill advocates better thinking skills.  He gives some warning signs that TV is becoming dangerous to your mental and emotional health.

Here are a few:

1. If you get depressed about your WEIGHT or your LOOKS or your SOCIAL LIFE because the kids on a particular TV series have it so much better than you, get a grip. These shows are written to amuse you, not to reflect real life.
2. If you have to rush off to the mall the instant you see something ADVERTISED, you’ve been tricked. Did you need this item before you saw it on TV? No? Then you don’t need it now.
3. If you find that you are getting YOUR VALUES about family life or school life from a TV show, watch out. Sure, there are many programs that are written around positive life lessons. Just make certain that you can tell which ones are and which ones aren’t.
4. If you are talking more to your friends about what happened on a TV SHOW than what is happening in your REAL LIFE, you’ve got your priorities wrong. And you’re definitely watching too much TV.

O’Reilly goes on to say “If you’re TIRED in the morning, if you’re falling behind in school, if you’re slowing down on the athletic field, if you’re short-tempered…there could be many reasons, but one possibility is that you are watching TOO MUCH TV! It’s not HEALTHY to be that passive for several hours a night. Your mind and body are telling you to cut back.”  Dr. Archibald Hart says that T.V. watching does not actually relax you.

Wow, O’Reilly’s comments for teens sounds like advice for some adults I know. Their skills have dropped as their TV watching has increased. As O’Reilly says, “…time is valuable. Don’t waste it.”

How much does knowledge of the truth matter to you?

It is hard work to teach your child advanced thinking skills. If you choose to passively let the schools teach those thinking skills, get a marker and write “Victim” across your child’s forehead. You are your child’s best teacher, and you must not be lazy about it. Stress Free Discipline contains methods and materials for teaching advanced thinking skills.

How committed are you to finding and teaching the truth? You cannot slide into home base on good intentions.

Passionate intensity is not a truth substitute. It is a counterfeit. It will not save anyone’s soul or increase real quality of life. Truth will do both. Treasure truth.

W.B. Yeats in a poem titled The Second Coming wrote, “The best lack conviction and the worst are filled with passionate intensity.”

Think about it.

Consider my legacy from my biggest career challenge: teaching delinquents at an alternative high school on the Navajo Reservation. I prayed for weeks and got very frustrated before I was offered that job.  Than I didn’t know if I should accept it. 

I wanted a job where I could express my faith and lead students in meaningful ways.  Should I say “yes?” 

 After three days of especially intensive prayer by my pastor and friends, I dreamed an odd name.: Zerubbabel.

I woke up enough to think it strange, and quickly went back to sleep. Again the name. Back to sleep again. In the morning it came back to me again, and I thought, “Hmm. Might be a demon or something in the Bible.”

When I looked it up, I found Zerubbabel was an ancestor of Jesus who led exiles back to Jerusalem from Babylon. After listening to prophets Haggai and Zechariah, he began construction of the temple. There were major frustrations and obstacles. Yet he was encouraged to be strong (Haggai 2:4, 21ff) and work and not to despise small things (Zechariah 4:10). This new, small temple was disappointing to the old timers who saw Solomon’s temple before it was destroyed, but small progress is still progress! 

How often we forget that important fact: small things may have big results!  We overlook small steps in the right direction, often failing to reward our children for doing small things right!  What kind of legacy is that? 

Who Will Build on Your Foundation?  Will it be a Godly building–a strong, dynamic life?

Zechariah 4:6 has instructions for Zerubbabel:

“Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, says the LORD of hosts.”

I gathered from my reading that Zerubbabel would make small beginnings, but God would complete the work in the future, perhaps when Christ would rule the world. I was encouraged enough to take the job on the Navajo reservation.  I knew I could do “small beginnings”—just my speed.  I do my best; God does the rest.  I accepted a little job in an unknown part of the country. 

Nothing immense or intense caused sparks to fly in my life.  I teamed up with a missionary who knew Navajo to do Bible Studies at lunch in my classroom.  A  Navajo Baptist pastor led several to Christ. Our small team was on the way toward a legacy that would last by God’s grace.  Altogether, twelve students invited Jesus into their lives.  That result was not my doing; I just introduced them to Jesus and Christ did the rest.

After three years on the reservation, Native Preference in hiring replaced me with a Native American.

Looking for meaning in what I had accomplished, I realized that politics and immense frustrations were part of the big picture that only God knew in advance. Like Zerubbabel I just laid the foundation: others would build.

What kind of a foundation are you laying in the lives of your children?

Is their youth just for fun and fulfillment of selfish desires? Are you building discernment and critical thinking skills into that foundation? What are your long term goals for discipline?

I hope your aim is not just for unquestioning obedience.  Here’s why.

Rachael D. Ramer, Christian Research Journal, writes that

“…demanding unquestioning obedience from children goes beyond what (Jesus) instructed…Authoritarianism goes beyond healthy, positive discipline and demands absolute submission.”[1]

I agree with Ms. Ramer that “many children who receive this type of “training” grow up to fear their parents and any adult figure.” I believe such “training” teaches a child to submit to wrongful dominance as adults.

No surprise: it is hard to “retrain” an intimidated person.

Ask yourself: what kind of foundation am I creating as I raise my child? Excessive punishment without rewarding right choices intimidates a child.  An intimidated child grows into an adult who probably will not stand up to aggressive, wrongful behavior.  You do not intend to produce a coward, but… 

I have raw data and a report done by a licensed private detective on Bible-based, authoritarian cults. Those cults prey on Christian children successfully because the family love bonds are weak. The family love bonds are weak because they are subverted by too much emphasis on unquestioning obedience to authority.  Automatic–unquestioning–obedience is dangerous!

Fact: rules without relationship cause rebellion.

My book, Stress Free Discipline, has an unusual component which retains parental authority but invites in-depth thinking in children.  The stress-free process is simple:  step-by-step, day by day, valuable concepts are learned and practiced.  Right choices are rewarded with quality time playing educational games with parents.

Are you creating a soft, feel-good foundation which will collapse later in your child’s life?  Or are you training your child to think analytically–building a strong foundation?

Three things to remember:

1. The over-riding goal of my work is to unite families into Berean teams: people who search everything in light of the scriptures.  Consider buying my book: Stress-free Discipline.
2. Children can learn critical thinking by dwelling on the Bible and what it means in our lives.
3. Build a solid foundation while you have the chance.

[1] Rachael D. Ramer, Christian Research Journal, Volume 26, Number 1, pp. 33-41.

Does your nine-year-old leave after you tell him to stay home?  It is a common event.  The problem here is that parents think their leadership skills are good when in fact those skills are ineffective and obsolete. Group dynamics can help the whole family.

Group learning has a big impact.

Knowles and Bradford state that “groups can induce learning in individuals of a kind and depth that an individual teacher cannot, by himself, induce (Knowles & Bradford, 1952, 12).”   To expand on that idea: group learning often has more impact than a nagging parent, lecturing or coercing a child into following rules.

The interaction between your child and your family may be more productive with group activities like role playing, buzz groups and reflection, listening teams, and personal summaries of group action.  These are big challenges for your leadership.

Play “You be the parent, I’ll be the child.”

Ask neutral questions when in doubt about who did what:  questions like, “What happened?”  “Could it have been done better?”  “What could be changed so everybody wins?”  “How could we share so it is fair to everyone?”

According to Knowles and Bradford, “One of the primary educational objectives of the leader, in fact, is to train members to take over functions that once were reserved as the exclusive prerogatives of the ‘leader.’

Parents are really training children to be independent first, but then to form interdependent family teams of lifelong learners.

Why should parents give up their power as children grow more mature?

A child’s judgment is only trained through experience in making judgments and seeing results.  Sometimes children learn from other people’s experience, sometimes only from their own experience.  Children grow as parents explain the consequences of behavior.

“If you bite your playmates or do not share being the boss, they will not want to play with you.”

The next step is a well disciplined, self-governed child.

Knowles & Bradford put it this way: “The more mature and self-directing a group becomes the more effective it is an instrument for producing change in individuals.”

Ideas for development of parent leadership skills are clear. The goal of parents is to raise children who are self-reliant, lifelong learners, choosing to work as a family team with their parents.

The team dynamic created as children grow toward self mastery and interdependence will provide functional group dynamic skills useful in the world of work.

Few parents welcome change in their habitual methods, but positive family dynamics reward those who do make positive changes.

Knowles, M. S., & Bradford, L. P. (1952). Group methods in adult education. Journal of Social Issues, 8(2), 11-22.

How can we create a family of dignity, equal worth and unified purpose?  Doing what comes naturally (nothing) will not do it.

As Zig Ziggler said:

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail,

How do you plan?

Start with the end, the goal, in sight. That’s good advice from Stephen R. Covey, planning expert (stephencovey.com). If you want to stress-proof your family life, you must make a family plan. Here’s a start.

Consider what we have to know in order to create the best family life.

We need to know what every family member considers most important, and what each person needs to do and be (willing?  organized?) in order to get there.

To do first:

1. Make copies of my “What is Family” list below.  Feel free to distribute this plan to others if you give me credit and list my blog address.
2. Have each family highlight the words which describe your family now.
3. Have each person circle what your family should be when you work your plan.
4. Brainstorm ways to eliminate the negatives and accentuate the positives in each list.

Brainstorming rules are few:

• First, respect each person’s opinion, no matter how much you disagree or how crazy it sounds.
• Secondly, find agreement on rules for eliminating those ideas which are unrealistic or outside your family values.

Your Family Vision: An Essential Foundation for building a strong family

Find the purpose of your family.

(To be read out loud in a quiet place…each family member separate from the others).

Is family a place where, when we knock, they have to let us in? A resource? A refuge? A learning center?

Is family a millstone,

touchstone,

milestone,

bulwark?

(If you don’t know these words, look them up.)

Is family a burden, a standard, a fortress, something you pass by on your way to personal fulfillment? Is it a source of enrichment?

Is family a labor force which produces leisure for us? A safety valve for venting? A nuisance? A service organization? An embarrassment?

Is family a critical, negative, no grow force? A hostile communication environment? A place where nobody cares? A bad example? A lost childhood? A fragile identity? A den of thieves?

Is family a sense of roots? Is family something we use and abuse? Is it security in the midst of our adventures? A fantasy? A team? A sacred duty? A place to go when we are old and broken? A warrior-priesthood band of brothers?

Is family a survivors program? A listening post? A source of bragging rights? Who, on their deathbed, ever said, “I wish I had spent more time at the office?”

Tell me if you can: what’s the point of having your family?

Now, work through what you have to be and do in order to bring about your family plan.

1. Write down and post the positive ideas in several places around the house. Move them (slightly) often so they are noticed better.
2. Review them daily together.
3. Give three cheers and a group hug to the family member who can identify the most positive or negative behaviors.  No blame for the negative, just identify it.  Write it down for consequences later.  See if it persists three weeks before judging it as deliberate sabotage of the family plan.
4. Remind each other that love is emotion in motion. Unlove is obstructing lifelong love and growth. Pray.
5. Create positive peer pressure for your friends.  After they get over being jealous, they will want what you have and you can share it with them.  Dignity, equal worth, and unified purpose are extreme strengths.

Bouncing boundaries are perhaps the greatest source of stress in families.

When our children test our limits on their behavior, we have some choices.  We may move the boundary (change the rule), enforce the limit (impose consequences), or remove limits altogether.

What effects do these approaches have on children?

Here’s one example. My son’s elementary school yard was unfenced.  It was surrounded by gentle trees and grassy forest, but the children chose to play close to the school building. They were told of the boundary, but they could not see it. They did not feel free to play near the sunlit forest, even though this was allowed.

However, when a chain link fence was installed on the boundary, the children played right up to the fence. They were happier with a clear limit. They actually felt freer to expand their play toward the forest.

Your child will love you more in the long run if you set rules and do not keep changing them.  Set and write down a few clear, simple rules.  Cut photos out of discarded books to show toddlers what is expected.  Post the rules where everyone can see them.

Ask yourself: Am I making my children feel safe by bouncing their boundaries all over the place when they test the limits? Limits do not feel good, but they are good for all of us in the long run.

Remember that your children will feel more secure when you set and keep rules all the time.  Act out the rules the first few times to be sure children understand.

When your child breaks a rule, make him or her practice doing the right thing several times.  Children must do the right thing easily, quickly and well.  That is skill mastery.

Skill takes drill.

You might even have quiet practice: sitting quietly with their hands in their lap.  Take it from Grandma DeSelm:  they hate it.  Use a stop watch to time the time out.  A few minutes is enough for a preschooler, but a strong willed child may need more!  Do not let them hold the watch! 

Stress Free Discipline has more useful tips for the use of a stopwatch.  While they squirm, you breathe deeply and slowly.  Think of something boring when they get angry.  Never let them see you sweat, frown or smile.

Any consistent consequence will be good discipline.  Spanking is usually not needed with a child older than five or six.  Down time is much more punishment for an active child.

No matter what, Never let a rebel win.

We hurt ourselves and our children by reacting to feelings rather than preventing problems before they happen. Ask yourself: do I take time to train myself in good discipline techniques? If I cannot discipline myself, I cannot discipline my child.

In short:  it is not kind for us to stress our child and warp our child’s perception of authorities (including God) by changing the rules when children push limits.

It is easy to do.  Raise a child to want success without teaching him or her the skills that bring success. 

Make everything easy for your son or daughter.  Do chores for them rather than teaching them to do for themselves.  Serve them without asking them to serve the family.  Let them watch four hours of media every night, the American average. 

Those hours are lowering their attention span, making them less able to compete in the world marketplace, and reducing their ability to think logically.  (Check out Caleb Crain, the New Yorker Critic at Large ,Twilight of the Books.)  This is a recipe for failure.  Cut off your child’s thinking skills at the knees by plugging them into media for hours each day.

   That will take away self confidence so your daughter does not believe she can achieve without cheating.

Feed your son junk food or let him skip breakfast.  Let him go to bed any time, even though the Harvard Sleep Study says children through age eighteen need eight or nine hours of sleep per night in order to learn.  (Check out Matthew Walker, October 17, 2002 Harvard University Gazette Archives.  Also see Beth Potier, December 11, 2003 of the Harvard University Gazette Archives.)

Intimidate your daughter by criticizing her weak first steps so she will not risk running.  Take away your son’s responsibility by saying the teacher is picking on him rather than holding him accountable.  Let the children have after school jobs and cars even though their grades are suffering.

Cheating in college is on the rise.  The pressure to succeed is great.  Give your child tips on how to steal essays from friends, frat brothers and the internet. 

If you want a child to cheat, make success everything, the learning process nothing. 

Teach your child that he or she is just an accident of nature, so moral behavior is no longer a useful choice.  (See Crosswalk.com, Chuck Colson’s Breakpoint 2/29/08)

Your Challenge

Be close to your child.  Know his or her attitudes and actions.  If a teacher says your child has cheated, use the “worried-concerned” approach. Express your doubts and disappointments quietly and privately, not in front of siblings or friends. Remember that to your child, success is everything. Say, “Son, I don’t think you’re being completely honest on that test.”

Punishment for cheating may or may not help your child.

Remember that your goal is to support the right behavior, preventing a character defect from developing into further lies and loss.

If you want to change the cheating behavior, punishment might only make your child determined not to get caught.

Use Adam and Eve as examples.  Adam and Eve appear to be sorry for being caught, not for their own responsibility in their fall.  Your honesty as you talk with your child will encourage changes. Shallow, knee-jerk punishment may reinforce a failing, cheating cycle.  Decide what you want to happen.

Accusing  your child bluntly, ignoring the problem, and emotional reactions will reinforce a failing, cheating cycle.

Instead, realize that needs are not being met.  Help your child learn the skills and earn success.  Help her assert herself or himself and be responsible in every aspect of family and school life. 

Walk with your children through their mine field of uncertainties until they can navigate on their own. 

Make sure they are eating right and drinking enough and getting enough rest.  The Harvard studies prove that learning is a lot more effective when you sleep on it.  Chuck Colson’s research shows that a strong moral foundation prevents cheating. 

Parents, go for the gold!

When my sons were pre-teens we had a small jail visitation ministry and they saw first-hand the consequences of writing a lot of bad checks. This experience was very motivational for them, and part of training in conscientiousness (a key element in long life according to research by the U. of California at Riverside, U.C. Berkeley Wellness Letter, Feb. 2004, ).

Consider involving children early in the process of helping you write checks and balance the checkbook. A second grader can help you add and subtract. Grocery shopping is a time you can give cash for your child to pick his or her favorite fruit and vegetables.  As soon as computer skills become important to your child, have them watch you with QuickBooks, then watch them as they help you enter expenses, sorting out tax items as you go.

A three or four year-old can learn how you choose what you buy at the market.  Soft fruit, green fruit–teaching the gentle squeeze helps with defining what is O.K. for pet handling as well as fruit choices. Unit pricing on the shelf tags can be a learning experience for older children.  As soon as children can understand what money is, they can use a dollar to find a toy at the 99-cent store.

The idea is to help them understand real world limits and luxuries.  Real Consequences are essential.  You don’t have to grow your own food, but you do have to afford it.

When one of my sons was five years old, he scratched his name all over the outside wooden paneling of the preschool building. I explained to him that since I could not pay a painter and had the skills, my consequence was to refinish that wall.

His consequence was to pay a fine: his weekly “donut money” (routinely given by a sweet church senior). He paid in person to the principal for three weeks.

While the principal said it wasn’t necessary, it did teach a well-remembered lesson. When he was six and bowed in a plate glass window by leaning on it, all I had to say was “WOW!  Look at that window bend. If it breaks, that is A LOT of donut money.” He jumped away from the window like it was a hot griddle.

Children can remind you to set aside savings.  Play “You be the parent and I’ll be the child” to test learning. Teens can help you to prioritize your spending.

You model and teach them important concepts. What is important long term that needs to be saved for?  What sacrifices now will make a big difference later?  They master the concepts through practice.  They minister the concepts through service to you.  Remember that learning needs reinforcement to become mastery.  Sacrifice is part of love.

Money management concepts are crammed into one or two classroom hours of Senior Economics class in public schools.  Sacrifice and love are not taught there.  An economic survey course is useless when students need many hours of practice and discussion. Most of them won’t absorb enough financial vocabulary and basic ideas at school to prepare them for success in life.  You are responsible for teaching money management.

Buy Ron and Judy Blue and Jeremy White’s book: Your Kids Can Master Their Money by Tyndale House Publishers.

My book just touches the surface of what can be done to give children financial skills.

Be aware also that many states impose severe consequences on parents for their child’s misbehavior.

For example, your state may fine or jail you for letting your child participate in theft or gangs. Clearly you want to establish the kinds of bonds with your child which will prevent their need for re-parenting by gangs.

In many states you can be evicted from public housing if your child is using or selling drugs. Laws constantly change, so it is good to educate yourself on juvenile law.

Prevention of criminal behavior depends on showing your child the consequences of not following the rules. Rule-following behavior is something you teach early in life.  Your three year old needs consequences every time he or she disobeys a rule.  Rules need to be simple and posted in print.

I recommend a family trip to the courthouse, jail or D.A.’s office. It is very educational for all of you. Interview the D.A.  Ask about common errors teens make that get them in trouble with the law.  Your children will never forget a real lesson.

Check out the American Bar Association’s Division for Public Education (www.abanet.org).

Crime prevention is all about consistent consequences. One way to teach consequences is to have a mini-jail ministry.

Part of good parenting involves teaching what to do. Another part is teaching what not to do. It is up to you.