Love, etc.
A young friend just e-mailed me a question about the link between fashion and sexual attractiveness in finding a husband. Here’s my answer: I wouldn’t know about the relationship between fashion and romance, but that doesn’t prevent me from having an opinion! It’s your choice, of course.
Personally, I think men are genetically “wired” to respond to a woman’s body (like, not fat and preferably in good shape) as well as other characteristics not related to color of clothing. Energy stemming from good health, for example, is sexy.
Black clothing, however, in one culture will connote one thing (mourning), and the opposite in another culture (joy). What culture are you aiming for?
Black is the preference of downtown business people and, in general, more conservative people, in my opinion. If you’re aiming for a conservative (low risk-taking) man, you would do well to wear it, along with modest styling and longer hemline and higher bustline.
Also, a man looking for character in a mate will not have the word “fun” salting his conversation. Questions in that regard may include, “How does your man treat others? How do his role models, his family, treat each other?” Again, there are unpredictable elements. Men engage in “one-up-manship” with each other, a competitive sort of game involving witty insults, whereas women on the whole are oriented more toward cooperative linguistics. This competitive gaming aspect by itself doesn’t mean your prospective mate is an unkind person or poor risk.
A man who is an entrepreneur or adventurer will be more likely to be “fun” (highly creative) but may become a risk to your own stability (or tiresome) if he continues risk-taking behavior in every area of his life, for the rest of his life, or in every part of his business. Maturity will change most risk-taking behavior into conservatism, as Winston Churchill observed when he said (paraphrased), “If a person is not a liberal in his youth he has no heart, but if he is not a conservative later on, he has no head.”
Having said that, I am reminded of many great men who began life as failures either in politics (Abraham Lincoln) or in business (Rich DeVos, CEO of Amway corp). Thus, the long-range view of a committed relationship is unpredictable. As Solomon said in the Bible, “…time and chance happen to all.” Or, as grandma said, “into every life some rain must fall.”
Suppose you choose a risk-taker over, say, an insurance salesman whose goal in life is CYA to the max, and enjoying a prosperous, but selfish, retirement. Will this satisfy your need for long-term security AND your need for a creative, refreshing personality or–better–your desire for an altruistic, meaningful challenge? Our search for meaning needs to include making the world a better place for having trod here.
A consideration in my mind would be whether your man has good morals and a good network of friends who hold him accountable to high standards. Who would want to marry a debauched prince? What, then, is a “good life?”
Maybe the best answer to your question about wearing black would be to take a poll of men! My husband says black connotes mourning to him, and he was attracted to me because I dressed modestly but had color. People in the eastern U.S. wear more black and neutrals than people on the west coast. Color to them may mean something entirely different. I feel that personality is expressed with color more than with excessive black, although color mixed with black is quite expressive. However, I’m 66 years old, and by definition am out of the 30-something crowd. There is a non-answer to your question!
June 10th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
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