Christ-centered Relationship-building
Selfishness is worth another look when I have time, but here’s advice I just posted to my son, who is looking for a mate.
Selfishness is the default answer for all humans. We don’t have to remain there. A self-centered relationship or a performance-based relationship will not bring long-term happiness. A Christ-centered relationship will last the long journey of joyful marriage.
I find that when I am feeling grouchy about–for example–doing (usually house and yard) work when my husband is lounging around watching hours of TV a day, I need to consider what Christ would have me to do. I reframe my attitude about doing the work.
Rather than a “poor me, why isn’t he helping on this thing I decided is important now?” attitude with attendant pain, anger, etc, I consider what use Christ is making of the work. Ideas like, “It’s physically and spiritually therapeutic” come to mind. Also, ideas occur like, “What does Christ think when I have a selfish attitude about my relationship to Him?” …and, “What, exactly am I, a greedy, selfish sinner, entitled to from Him? Does the Master serve the servant? He has reasons I wouldn’t understand if he told them to me.”
Also, in fairness to my husband, if I ask for help he shuts off the entertainment and works with me, and when I flop down exhausted, he takes me out to dinner, etc. Probably the hardest part about unrealistic expectations is that we recognize them when they’re put on us, but not when we are putting them on others.
What’s easy for me is hard for him, as I explained to our granddaughter when we were foster-parenting her. We do what we do best…further, I need to avoid adding stress on top of what he’s already experiencing in the way of stress. He doesn’t complain, and that lack of complaint makes his stress invisible to me. The adrenals can only take so much before adrenal fatigue sets in for anyone. We also have to discriminate between essentials and desires that can be put off–maybe forever!
July 17th, 2010 at 6:02 am
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little
Sent from my Android phone
July 17th, 2010 at 6:39 am
I spent half of my 67 years without Christ, and then found out that He enriches relationships beyond belief when they’re centered on Him. I hope others are not slow learners as I was.
November 24th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Odd , your article shows up with a blue hue to it, what color is the primary color on your site?
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:02 am
Your screen may be about to go belly-up or you may have a cable problem or something else: I am ignorant about these tech problems. Good luck.
May 24th, 2011 at 12:47 pm
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October 2nd, 2011 at 2:09 pm
If you think about it that way, that’s great advice for someone searching for this.