Consequences for Your Adult Child
A 68-year-old friend recently moved his 42-year old daughter into his 12X12 storage shed in the back yard. He gave her bathroom and kitchen privileges, but not residence in the house, since he will be married in three months. This arrangement is “temporary.”
Daughter, M., gave temporary custody of her daughter, his 7-year old granddaughter, to a neighbor, because M. has been evicted for not paying eight months of rent on the apartment she has had for ten years. He has paid rent, food and transportation for most of those years. M. continues to assert that the house is rightfully hers when father dies, and should not go to the new wife.
M. has been diagnosed via legal challenge as disabled, and expects retroactive government support payments in three months. Dad is a Christian, but M. is not. Dad has worked with a counselor and his daughter for years, but cannot help her become more balanced in her life style. She also says she is “not ready” for the gift of Christ, with the rule-following and self-sacrifice which that implies.
When does a child accept the fact that rules are a necessary discipline for our own good? I suggest you begin early to teach that.
Discipline begins with good parenting: eating your vegetables before you get dessert or fruit. Age one or sooner. Stress Free Discipline requires parents to discipline their child through rewards of time with the parents in educational activities or games. Every step in the right direction is rewarded with positive family time, building family interdependence. Punishment is the most boring time possible in a corner or doing chores or early bedtime.
M. has a history of drug use, but now says she is clean, without proving it. Her behavior does not indicate being drug-free, according to a nursing home administrator friend. Daughter has been diagnosed as bipolar and is taking lithium, although we do not know how consistent that is.
She worked for 18 months for the U.S. Postal Service, but was fired, perhaps for attitude problems, since “Nobody tells me what to do.” Her 24-year old son was discharged from the Navy for the same problem, but he has found a positive life purpose, a security guard job, and is supporting his common-law wife and child.
The key issue is this: what is the difference between Christian charity and being an obstacle to an event which the Lord is using to change a person?
Is Dad gradually removing support which should have been withheld years ago, or is he enabling M.’s continuing freedom from accountability? What do you think?
