Making positive change: Problem Two
Does your nine-year-old leave after you tell him to stay home? It is a common event. The problem here is that parents think their leadership skills are good when in fact those skills are ineffective and obsolete. Group dynamics can help the whole family.
Group learning has a big impact.
Knowles and Bradford state that “groups can induce learning in individuals of a kind and depth that an individual teacher cannot, by himself, induce (Knowles & Bradford, 1952, 12).” To expand on that idea: group learning often has more impact than a nagging parent, lecturing or coercing a child into following rules.
The interaction between your child and your family may be more productive with group activities like role playing, buzz groups and reflection, listening teams, and personal summaries of group action. These are big challenges for your leadership.
Play “You be the parent, I’ll be the child.”
Ask neutral questions when in doubt about who did what: questions like, “What happened?” “Could it have been done better?” “What could be changed so everybody wins?” “How could we share so it is fair to everyone?”
According to Knowles and Bradford, “One of the primary educational objectives of the leader, in fact, is to train members to take over functions that once were reserved as the exclusive prerogatives of the ‘leader.’
Parents are really training children to be independent first, but then to form interdependent family teams of lifelong learners.
Why should parents give up their power as children grow more mature?
A child’s judgment is only trained through experience in making judgments and seeing results. Sometimes children learn from other people’s experience, sometimes only from their own experience. Children grow as parents explain the consequences of behavior.
“If you bite your playmates or do not share being the boss, they will not want to play with you.”
The next step is a well disciplined, self-governed child.
Knowles & Bradford put it this way: “The more mature and self-directing a group becomes the more effective it is an instrument for producing change in individuals.”
Ideas for development of parent leadership skills are clear. The goal of parents is to raise children who are self-reliant, lifelong learners, choosing to work as a family team with their parents.
The team dynamic created as children grow toward self mastery and interdependence will provide functional group dynamic skills useful in the world of work.
Few parents welcome change in their habitual methods, but positive family dynamics reward those who do make positive changes.
