Stress Free Discipline

Technorati Tags: family planning, positive peer pressure

How can we create a family of dignity, equal worth and unified purpose?  Doing what comes naturally (nothing) will not do it.

As Zig Ziggler said:

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail,

How do you plan? 

Start with the end, the goal, in sight. That’s good advice from Stephen R. Covey, planning expert (stephencovey.com). If you want to stress-proof your family life, you must make a family plan. Here’s a start.

Consider what we have to know in order to create the best family life.

We need to know what every family member considers most important, and what each person needs to do and be (willing?  organized?) in order to get there.

To do first:

1. Make copies of my “What is Family” list below.  Feel free to distribute this plan to others if you give me credit and list my blog address.
2. Have each family highlight the words which describe your family now.
3. Have each person circle what your family should be when you work your plan.
4. Brainstorm ways to eliminate the negatives and accentuate the positives in each list.

Brainstorming rules are few:

• First, respect each person’s opinion, no matter how much you disagree or how crazy it sounds.
• Secondly, find agreement on rules for eliminating those ideas which are unrealistic or outside your family values.

Your Family Vision: An Essential Foundation for building a strong family

Find the purpose of your family.

(To be read out loud in a quiet place…each family member separate from the others).

Is family a place where, when we knock, they have to let us in? A resource? A refuge? A learning center?

Is family a millstone,

touchstone,

milestone,

bulwark?

(If you don’t know these words, look them up.)

Is family a burden, a standard, a fortress, something you pass by on your way to personal fulfillment? Is it a source of enrichment?

Is family a labor force which produces leisure for us? A safety valve for venting? A nuisance? A service organization? An embarrassment?

Is family a critical, negative, no grow force? A hostile communication environment? A place where nobody cares? A bad example? A lost childhood? A fragile identity? A den of thieves?

Is family a sense of roots? Is family something we use and abuse? Is it security in the midst of our adventures? A fantasy? A team? A sacred duty? A place to go when we are old and broken? A warrior-priesthood band of brothers?

Is family a survivors program? A listening post? A source of bragging rights? Who, on their deathbed, ever said, “I wish I had spent more time at the office?”

Tell me if you can: what’s the point of having your family?

Now, work through what you have to be and do in order to bring about your family plan.

1. Write down and post the positive ideas in several places around the house. Move them (slightly) often so they are noticed better.
2. Review them daily together.
3. Give three cheers and a group hug to the family member who can identify the most positive or negative behaviors.  No blame for the negative, just identify it.  Write it down for consequences later.  See if it persists three weeks before judging it as deliberate sabotage of the family plan.
4. Remind each other that love is emotion in motion. Unlove is obstructing lifelong love and growth. Pray.
5. Create positive peer pressure for your friends.  After they get over being jealous, they will want what you have and you can share it with them.  Dignity, equal worth, and unified purpose are extreme strengths.

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