Stress-busters 2: Sharing stress
Technorati Tags: stress,consistent discipline,colds,sharing,leadership
When I was Drew’s age, I thought that if I gave 
my cold to someone else I would not have it anymore.
Now I make sure my grandchildren understand they’ll both be miserable if they share a cold.
The passage of stress is much like sharing a cold.
I can accept Drew’s stress that he is not getting what he wants when he wants it. I will feel miserable and he gets spoiled. I can make exceptions to the rules. I can slide around rules the easy way, being inconsistent. I become a bad parent, or in my case, grandparent. Good parenting is too much work!
If your children are constantly testing you, they have been conditioned to obey you only when you are stressed: (1) standing over them, (2) constantly repeating directions and giving them all of your attention, perhaps (3) screaming at them or hitting them.
Only then, they notice, do you really mean it.
When you aren’t looking, they are doing as they please. As they grow, you age. When you want shared goals, they’re “doing their own thing.” Your family is fragmented. You’re a nag. They’re escaping responsibility, piling it on you, or getting even for your on-again, off-again discipline in underhanded ways.
When you accept your child’s stress, you’re burdened and angry.
It’s no favor to them to let them have their way, but you’re too weary (from the stress you have chosen) to do what is right. Poor discipline is too much work!
Make that child obey! Discipline is not punishment most of the time but it is consistent consequences.
Ask yourself: Does my child put stress on me to give him or her what she wants? Have I trained her to be bad by changing the rules? Is this good in the long run? Is this like a cold: we’ll both be miserable? Whose problem is this?
“Meaning it” is stressing the child enough so that he or she chooses to obey rules over getting his/her own way. If you are consistent, poor behavior will self-destruct in a couple of weeks.
